Tesco’s Antibacterial Hand Gel
It’s so lovely and smooth and everything when you lather it on your hands; it’s like swimming in treacle.
But when you inevitably get the sniffles on these cold autumn days, you tend to…you know…use your hand to brush away the snot, ‘n‘ all that. Note that sinister overlords at Tesco’s intend to purge you of this impure deed. Because once you get a waft of what must be the single most formidable aroma of aloe-vera I’ve ever suffered in my life, you’ll undergo such hysterics of eye-watering agony that you’ll aspire to forget the pain by generously rinsing your eyes with sulphuric acid.
So it’s better than Sainsbury’s wholemeal, then. Just.
Posted on Sunday November 7th
About me
I'm Jack. Sometimes my hair is untidy, riddled with goblins and smurfs. When I scream into the Grand Canyon, it inspires pained howling in wild dogs and wily coyotes, and compels all leaf-eating mammals to scuttle for higher ground in wait of the great flood. I think Goku is an existential paragon. My life's trajectory is adjusted towards becoming a hermit and dying alone somewhere on top of a golden mountain at sunset. Which is a jolly good innings, all told.
